Signalling game

I don't know what to write.

Maybe that's because I decided to post something, just for the sake of posting something. Or more accurately, as a reply. Except that I have no idea what I'm replying to.

I believe I've always tended towards passiveness. When I want to make things happen, it's through awareness, followed subtle prodding here and there, then careful positioning. Plus a lot of waiting.

And whether it's a cause or an effect, I've always felt more comfortable replying, than initiating. Like pretending not to notice someone, then waiting for them to notice you instead. Or keeping a low profile, hoping that people would notice my presence, or lack thereof.

Although I usually end up getting nowhere.

Am I manipulative? Overly calculating?

Paranoid?

Well does it matter?

Now I've realised, probably not. How much I observe from the background, all my vague hints and cues, the hopeful waiting; it all comes to nothing in the end.

Outside of my delusions of self-importance, the world goes on perfectly well without me.

Perhaps it's time to step out of the shadows, to make an entrance into the fray. Be more involved and get things done faster.

Because waiting in the dark hurts.

Or I could continue hiding and wait for a miracle instead. If it comes soon enough, it's the same thing.